Saturday, April 30, 2005

Knock on Wood

Kerry Wood will indeed start against the Astros tonight, despite the conventional wisdom that he should be resting his tender shoulder.

Well then. That sounds good enough to me.

UPDATE: Cubs lost 7-5
, but more importantly, Kerry Wood was taken out after only 4 innings. The word is that his tendinitis is bothering him again. Well Duh!
I mean, who didn't see that one comming?

Why can't they just give the guy some rest!
I just hope this doesn't set him back too much. I'm getting so frustrated with all this pitcher abuse.
Here is an exerpt from baseball prospectus which I think hits the nail on the head:

"Protect your young pitchers' arms."

Another staple from the analytical cookbook, this one would seem to have particular relevance for the Cubs. The Cubs' trio of young starters, Mark Prior, Carlos Zambrano, and Kerry Wood, is the team's most important asset. If healthy, they are good enough to form a championship nucleus all by themselves. Yet, in spite of the fact that two of the three were injured for substantial portions of last season, Dusty Baker continued to work his starters as hard as almost any manager in the game. The Cubs placed third in the league in Pitcher Abuse Points, after leading the league by a large margin in 2003. Protecting pitchers' arms is not a matter of machismo. It's about getting the most out of your pitchers for the entire 162-game schedule, and maximising your return on investment in future seasons when those pitchers are still under your control. This is particularly important for a team like the Cubs that has a reasonable expectation of reaching the playoffs, during which each starting pitcher might be needed to throw an extra 20 innings."

It seems so obvious, yet the Cubs just don't seem to get it..Screw it... I don't even want to talk about it anymore....
I'm going to go see Kung Fu Hustle!
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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Clash of the Titans

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634 combined career wins...Yikes!...Do the Cubs have that many?

Legends Roger Clemens and Greg Maddux will match up against one-another Friday night.
This should be a fun one.

D-LEE: Total Badass

Cubs first baseman Derrek Lee is having just an insanely good season.
Today he went 4/4 with 2 Homers and 6 RBIs and carried the Cubs to a 8-7 comeback victory over the Reds.

"He's just a total badasss." says Corey Patterson,
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"...he kind of reminds me of that dude from the movie ghost dog,"

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So far this season, Lee has gone 34/79 with 7 HR, 27 RBIs, and 4 Stolen Bases.
Here are his projected stats for 2005. They may be a little on the low side since Lee has historically been cold in the month April.
  • .430 Batting Average
  • 54 Home Runs
  • 208 Runs Batted In
  • 31 Stolen Bases
  • 146 Runs Scored
  • 262 Hits
  • .500 On Base Percentage
  • .797 Slugging Percentage
Latroy Hawkins was touched to recieve a standing ovation from the crowd at Wrigley today after striking out 2 in a scoreless top of the 9th.
"I think they really care about me as a person," said the Cubs on -and-off closer who was booed off the field in his last outing.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Cubs out-slugged;

Zambrano Hits his Mark
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"Got 'em!"

The Cubs may have fallen short against the Reds in last night's slugfest, but Zambrano was on target.

"I felt like I was really making all my spots today," said Carlos after the game.

Zambrano was ejected for hitting batter Austin Kearns in the rib cage with a 98mph fast ball. He had given up a 3 run homer to Adam Dunn in the previous at bat and did not want to risk giving up another big hit to a slugger like Kearns.

"It's a shame that I got ejected so soon, I felt so much command out there," the pitcher explained. "I don't think I made even one pitch that was off the mark."

"[The umpire] must have thought it was an accident... I can see why he kicked me out of the game--If a pitcher is wild like that it can be really dangerous."

Monday, April 25, 2005

Fantasy Baseball Star


don't look at me buddy, we're just as surprised as you

The unlikely hero continues his torrid hitting spree with another homer and 4 RBIs to help beat the Reds, and thrill the 4 owners who have him on their fantasy team.
This may seem odd since Perez doesn't seem like a good hitter, he certainly doesn't look like a good hitter; infact, most of the time he doesn't even hit like a good hitter; but he knows how to get good stats.
He attributes this to his off-season routine.
"I was really trying hard to improve my fantasy baseball game this winter" said the infielder, "you know, 5x5, 6x6, that kind of stuff."
He must be doing something right because Perez is batting .401 after last nights game.

"Neifi is one of the best fantasy baseball players I've ever seen" says manager Dusty Baker "He puts up these ridiculous numbers that no one expects. I just picked him up for my fantasy team."
To the suprise of nobody, Chad Fox exited the 9th inning early in serious pain after his arm fell off again. His tragic career as the Cubs closer lasted a memorable 32 hours.
Nice move Dusty!

"The Franchise" looked oh-so-pretty as he earned his third win and struck out 10 in 6 innings. Not bad. I can't wait to see him when he's healthy.

Cubs; Prior to test out Lights:

"Sit-Pen" Ready To Respond

MARK PRIOR a.k.a. "The Franchise" will show off his impressive calf muscles tonight under the flattering lights of Wrigley Field. He and the Cubs will face the Cincinnati Reds for the first home night game of the season.
The at-home-night-game is a new situation for the 2005 cubs, but Dusty Baker's newly formed "situational-bullpen" should be prepared to respond. Several members of 'sit-pen' spoke to the media after yesterdays game to explain the innovative new approach.
"We have different situations every game," said reliever Chad Fox, "That's how Dusty came up with the idea of having the situational bullpen...I guess."
"Yeah" added Michael Wuretz, "for the different situations."
While many fans may still be confused as to exactly what a "situational-bullpen" is, lefty Cliff Bartosh assured reporters that "it makes sense...for the situation."

Sunday, April 24, 2005

We've Got Wood!

If we're lucky, he may start again this year.
Cubs Win! (for real this time)

"Yes!--Oh Shit-- my elbow is stuck in this position"

Dumbest quote of the day:
"There's nothing wrong with him, he just has a little tendinitis."--Dusty Baker.
Phew, that's a relief. Just tendinitis, I thought It was something that might effect his pitching.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Cubs Opener, LaTroy Hawkins, Continues to Get the Job Done

Ninja-Cubs fall to Bucks
With deadly efficiency, the Chicago Cubs, armed with their new ninja-style hats, beat the Pirates today by a score of 3-2. They then decided to make the game more interesting by calling on opener LaTroy Hawkins to provide more of a challenge for the team.
"We like to keep the guys on their toes" said manager Dusty Baker, "LaTroy knows exactly how to do that."

ninja-cub Aramis Ramirez judo-chops his way to home plate

Maddux was brilliant in the first 8 innings, in yet another classic performance at Wrigley. Allowing only one hit in the first 6 innings, the veteran coasted through the game at a blistering ninja-pace. The Pirates managed to put together a 2-out rally in the top of the 8th, thanks to some poor defense by Barrett and Patterson, and a few bloop hits. Corey redeemed himself in his next at bat by hitting a solo blast to right field to regain the lead and set Maddux up for the almost-win.

But a 3-2 victory was not what the Cubs had in mind. Somebody needed to score at least 4 runs to have a "real game". The Cubs had to find a way to open up the game and put the burden on their offense to truly earn the win. This was a job for LaTroy Hawkins, the Cubs "opener."
As expected, he promptly blew the save, in an eerily predictable fashion.
"I knew what I had to do, and I did it" says Hawk, who succeded in surrendering a home run to Jason Bay in the ninth.

"When used in the ninth inning, LaTroy has an uncanny ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory." remarked Baker. "This is exactly what we are looking for from our opener."

Despite the suprise return of Ben (WTF?) Grieve as a pinch hitter, the Cubs were unable to reclaim the lead in their half of the 9th. "We were just happy that LaTroy was able to open up the game for us," said Grieve "That's his job."

Fans at Wrigley Field showed their appreciation for Hawkins by pounding on top of the Cubs dugout, and booing him for leaving the game so soon.

Preview: Cubs vs. Pirates 1:20pm CT

63-year-old pitcher Greg Maddux will start today as the Cubs play host to the Pittsburgh Pirates. The veteran pitcher hopes to earn his first win of the year and lead the cubs over the .500 mark.
1967 Rookie Baseball Card.
Maddux, who of course began his career as a Cub, first faced the Pirates in 1967. He pitched a 3-hit-shutout and earned the victory thanks to a 2-run double from Billy Williams. The 36-time all-star should prove that he still has some magic left in the tank as he matches up against Pittsburgh left-hander Mark Redman.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Ozzie Guillen gone Mad...(libs)

Today's Cubs game may have been rained out, but there was plenty of interesting drama stirring on the other side of town to keep fans at Wrigley entertained. The Venezuelan feud between ex-Sox slugger Magglio [bleeping] Ordonez and manager Ozzie Guillen reached new heights today as Guillen's latest ravings hit the news stands.
In a Tribune interview, the White Sox manager masterfully fielded media questions about Maggs.

"Be cool Dude...have a toothpick"

''He's a piece of [bleep],'' Guillen said. ''He's another Venezuelan [bleep]. [Bleep] him. He thinks he's got an enemy? No, he's got a big one. He knows I can [bleep] him over in a lot of different ways."
''He better shut the [bleep] up and just play for the Detroit Tigers. Who the [bleep] is Magglio Ordonez? What did he ever do for me? He didn't do [bleep] for me. "
''Did he play good for me? Yes, he did. Did he play hard for me? Yes, he did. But saying I'm his enemy, he hates me, I could care less what that [bleep] thinks. I don't give a [bleep] what he does with the rest of his life."
"He [bleeped] with the wrong guy, and he knows that, too. He knows for a fact that he [bleeped] with the wrong people.''

Meanwhile, back at soggy Wrigley Field, the always-optimistic Cub fans made the best of the rain delay by playing Mad Libs with the newspaper article.
"We replaced [the bleeps] with different verbs and nouns and stuff," said one wet and drunk fan. "It really made the time fly."
Tim Schnider, a Student at Depaul Universtity recalled some of his favorites. "One time it was like 'He's a piece of lettuce. He's another Venezuelan Salad. Eat him!," barely able to stop laughing, Schnider continued "'Who the Zamboni is Magglio Ordonez?...He didn't do laundry for me!"
It may be true that the White Sox have the best record in the American League, but the Cub fans, who are willing to wait hours in the rain to to cheer on their one legged infielders in a game that didn't happen, are not impressed or discouraged. They simply find their cross-town rivals fucking hilarious...I mean...[bleep!].

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Nomar Has Been Shot

Young Cardinal Fan Prime Suspect
Cub's star Shortstop Nomar Garciaparra was shot in the crotch with a bazooka last night by a bitter Cardinals fan.

Garciapara clutches his wound after being shot
Officials report that the young fan (pictured below) along with the help of his parents and older brother managed to sneak the weapon into Busch Stadium by concealing it inside an oversized foam finger
the shooter (bottom left) and family show off the cleverly concealed weapon
No further information on the shooter is known at this point.