Saturday, April 23, 2005

Cubs Opener, LaTroy Hawkins, Continues to Get the Job Done

Ninja-Cubs fall to Bucks
With deadly efficiency, the Chicago Cubs, armed with their new ninja-style hats, beat the Pirates today by a score of 3-2. They then decided to make the game more interesting by calling on opener LaTroy Hawkins to provide more of a challenge for the team.
"We like to keep the guys on their toes" said manager Dusty Baker, "LaTroy knows exactly how to do that."

ninja-cub Aramis Ramirez judo-chops his way to home plate

Maddux was brilliant in the first 8 innings, in yet another classic performance at Wrigley. Allowing only one hit in the first 6 innings, the veteran coasted through the game at a blistering ninja-pace. The Pirates managed to put together a 2-out rally in the top of the 8th, thanks to some poor defense by Barrett and Patterson, and a few bloop hits. Corey redeemed himself in his next at bat by hitting a solo blast to right field to regain the lead and set Maddux up for the almost-win.

But a 3-2 victory was not what the Cubs had in mind. Somebody needed to score at least 4 runs to have a "real game". The Cubs had to find a way to open up the game and put the burden on their offense to truly earn the win. This was a job for LaTroy Hawkins, the Cubs "opener."
As expected, he promptly blew the save, in an eerily predictable fashion.
"I knew what I had to do, and I did it" says Hawk, who succeded in surrendering a home run to Jason Bay in the ninth.

"When used in the ninth inning, LaTroy has an uncanny ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory." remarked Baker. "This is exactly what we are looking for from our opener."

Despite the suprise return of Ben (WTF?) Grieve as a pinch hitter, the Cubs were unable to reclaim the lead in their half of the 9th. "We were just happy that LaTroy was able to open up the game for us," said Grieve "That's his job."

Fans at Wrigley Field showed their appreciation for Hawkins by pounding on top of the Cubs dugout, and booing him for leaving the game so soon.


Anonymous uncle lee said...

What you got a problem with keeping it interesting. Is all you care about winning? What has happened to your sense of fair play? I think that opening up the game in the 9th is a great act of kindness to your opponent & should be considered as virtuous. The Cubs as America’s team need to set an example for the rest of us, of how to make your opponent feel worthy.

6:30 PM  
Blogger dan the fan said...

Agreed, there is no reason to end the game prematurely. LaTroy should be thanked for allowing the fans a chance to see the home team bat again.

11:41 PM  

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