Friday, April 22, 2005

Ozzie Guillen gone Mad...(libs)

Today's Cubs game may have been rained out, but there was plenty of interesting drama stirring on the other side of town to keep fans at Wrigley entertained. The Venezuelan feud between ex-Sox slugger Magglio [bleeping] Ordonez and manager Ozzie Guillen reached new heights today as Guillen's latest ravings hit the news stands.
In a Tribune interview, the White Sox manager masterfully fielded media questions about Maggs.

"Be cool Dude...have a toothpick"


''He's a piece of [bleep],'' Guillen said. ''He's another Venezuelan [bleep]. [Bleep] him. He thinks he's got an enemy? No, he's got a big one. He knows I can [bleep] him over in a lot of different ways."
''He better shut the [bleep] up and just play for the Detroit Tigers. Who the [bleep] is Magglio Ordonez? What did he ever do for me? He didn't do [bleep] for me. "
''Did he play good for me? Yes, he did. Did he play hard for me? Yes, he did. But saying I'm his enemy, he hates me, I could care less what that [bleep] thinks. I don't give a [bleep] what he does with the rest of his life."
"He [bleeped] with the wrong guy, and he knows that, too. He knows for a fact that he [bleeped] with the wrong people.''

Meanwhile, back at soggy Wrigley Field, the always-optimistic Cub fans made the best of the rain delay by playing Mad Libs with the newspaper article.
"We replaced [the bleeps] with different verbs and nouns and stuff," said one wet and drunk fan. "It really made the time fly."
Tim Schnider, a Student at Depaul Universtity recalled some of his favorites. "One time it was like 'He's a piece of lettuce. He's another Venezuelan Salad. Eat him!," barely able to stop laughing, Schnider continued "'Who the Zamboni is Magglio Ordonez?...He didn't do laundry for me!"
It may be true that the White Sox have the best record in the American League, but the Cub fans, who are willing to wait hours in the rain to to cheer on their one legged infielders in a game that didn't happen, are not impressed or discouraged. They simply find their cross-town rivals fucking hilarious...I mean...[bleep!].

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