Monday, May 02, 2005

Prior not Himself; Imposter suspected.

Mark Prior for the first time in his entire life got hit hard in yesterdays loss to the Astros. But he didn't just get hit, he got shelled; I mean the guy got rocked.
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"That's never happened to me before," said Prior, "it was like an out-of-body experience."

It certainly seemed at the very least out-of-character for a pitcher who entered the game with a record of 3-0, an ERA below 1.00, and had not given up two home runs in the same inning his entire career.

"I wasn't myself out there today" Prior admitted.

He sure wasn't. Cubs fans cringed in disbelief as the starter give up a grand slam and a three run homerun in the fifth inning.

"I knew it was going be a tough outing for Mark, going against Oswalt and everything, but I had no idea he was going to go out and suddenly suck" Said a stunned Dusty Baker

It is even more suprising that Prior, who many predict will win the NL Cy Young this year, was tagged by the Houston Astros. Houston does not exactly have the most formidable offense these days. With the absence of Jeff Kent, Carlos Beltran and Lance Berkman, they have one of the least productive lineups in baseball this year. Yet Prior gave up 7 runs to the Astros in one inning; all with two outs.

"It's hard to believe Prior could suck that bad even if he wanted to" said Ryan Dempster, "I'm still not convinced it was really him."

Some Cubs suspect it may have been a case of identity fraud.
Catcher Michael Barrett claims that it was actually actor Jason Biggs on the mound dressed as Prior.
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Prior (left) explaining that it wasn't "The Real Mark Prior" out there.
Actor Jason Biggs (right) stealing Prior's uniform from the Cubs laundry room.

"Prior would never pitch like that," Barrett added, "and I think I saw [Biggs] running out of the club house with a laundry bag."
Officials are currently trying to determine weather or not Prior's uniform was in that bag.

"I mean, Mark said he wasn't himself" said Dusty Baker, who is open to the idea of an imposter. "Maybe he really meant it. Maybe he was someone else."
Kerry Wood, on the other hand, does not seem to be acting out of character at all. The Cubs just announced that he will be out for at least 3 weeks with a strained supraspinatis muscle. That's doctor-speak for "you don't want to know."


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